Unknown Speaker  00:12
Speaking about the romantic self. Yeah, I want to talk about the scoring in general something about seeing something or process. It began with a number of insights that came to me about it, hopefully, but one was attending Overeaters Anonymous, kind of a low point in my life. And I think I'll be a little bit of that too. And at the same time helping the founder Alcoholics Anonymous, which I am have been so struck by the difference between a dialogue that is no, no, no. And a sense that people who are involved with a haunting story from itself, that were that can be very confident and very involved in the way explanations of why they don't eat, or get sick around food to build consent with that CodePen caucus. In fact, that's a very, that's an overt, and it's not being spoken. So I'm gonna read a little bit of this to you just a few pages to get you started reading it open. So when the whole ice freezes, which, of course. And I start off with a couple of quotes, one is from advices, Greek authorities and the sixth century. And this is a call of the wise including wonderful, then the time to think of that when you lay most hard like, gorging at the table in love to do your own capacity. And this is your supply of emotions of expenditure. The immense provide the recklessness, discharge, and upheaval that constitutes life could be expressed by stating that life starts only with a deficit for the system's at least, what it allows them to weigh affordable and reserve has meaning only that moment, when ordered and reserve forces, liberate and brace themselves, for anything cannot be subordinated to anything anyone can. But it's only by sexual subordination, in particular, with the human race ceases to be isolated and unconditional splendor of the glory that sounds of a symbolizes without exhaustion, without exhausting, the object of expenditure, will not be distinguished from the subordinate characterization, which is the condition for everything and that probably is the case it meant about expenditure. We're really talking about those aspects of society which seem to never to be accounted for. And when you think about the war games, Potlatch begins to argue against the fastest and motorisation upon life in terms of that is reconcilable unaccountable aspects of the human dimension that must be explained fully as a gesture of Universal property. And claims that that's inherent in the union of all social organization that you cannot open on what kind of ordering or or organizations to find better eliminate the irrational of our need to expend recklessly and give up the self confidence that swings meet together just to put back wash them apart. As barn door my father had been proud to partner with him was a woman, a lesser figure and a chasing member of the group. They were holding hands less it seems to share or display affection and the folding down but a spike is a normal size one could imagine that he's about to use and some great need to eat. He couldn't be said go for about a few minutes without eating this from a voice fitting the way they do suppose it sounded awful. And what is true pain for share quote, unquote, as far as functions to be experienced commanding sentences, he was a novice success making good money at sports. Another number was was extra parking divided inside. She would have to sit with your legs straight up where they were to get to bend over these legs she could just from the spirit that she called me

Unknown Speaker  04:40
on how to look up from her feet to the face which pushed a small boulder far away on top of the mountain. It was a face so come last African. She was soft brown in color with a northern much educated man. Her story was about her fear over a young man who had come to visit him sometimes the character coming in Now I wanted to bring up could she handle it she argued with herself. No cross speaking is allowed because of that. Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous. After all, she was part of the Department of charging language. She knew how strong she could. She never mentioned function. So the distance between the voice and the body one could ever imagine her being a princess on the click of a blastocyst waiting for a long time there were several there in this village church on the end of the talking so it's almost and several purposes by men would last for these men like to talk with me about social needs without being convincing. One one for example, authority accusing stares at the catalog and the other stuff congratulate type suffering from a Christian goodwill and putting glands. He protested. He wasn't showing me the Civic priorities and being the chair but not so often. I thought at first he was hired to be so funny. It was this boy and art is all a set of staff. He was not cheering and Vicki Rama was committed to respecting London was an editor who affected a City Smart girl wisdom in London where she was chairman and editor affected a sea of smart girl wisdom. And his one most insistent Fantasy was to be a genius. She was tall and unskilled and confined with Cookie government and lonely nights. full bags of Pepperidge Farm the same amount my thinks we're doing one class when they've been lonely or making mistakes. Making perhaps not getting the claims for crew skin black base have our show with a round Florida central refined enough to be released the same video with its young girl she had been crying and she was too upset with us for sharing I wanted I hate my boyfriend and being too soft and grasping the soul because the hospital and other suicide attempts have a boyfriend working in music. They compose together using their achievements of the male sex who is to blame for more information of desperate even longer tried turning her back to the woods back on her therapy over photos to the plight of that reflection is against the rules. So rather than the politics lawyer we're calling nazmiyal the conduct of discussion question there there's a few guys that are having close trouble apologizing in the back of the book and let it play it out simply the general intelligence. I found myself often on the verge of tears and opportunities to supercilious to confess to sorry for everyone else suspecting what was before me despite all that self help is oops, enthusiasm was the depth that people incomprehensible. It's their damn past the self loathing and humiliation there in applicants defenses against walking into the body, faster, less residues back down to the core patterns, where the mother would take it with a mouth for taking the mother where the world should be turned off. In fact, children are embarrassment, they're being tortured facts that don't really evidence of self abuse, no matter how convincing it is. If that speaks for the child, don't look at the age old trying to feel

Unknown Speaker  08:32
that look maybe read differently. I came to understand that I wanted others to speak out.

Unknown Speaker  08:47
To my surprise, what I had to know GTOs was the calculus had caught me up. But it seems self operation. There has to be some conviction in these people underneath yourself to be able to call upon I became angry at the hypocrisy of their mind. So it might be very hard to discover in the absence of stories but so much that suffers and they've actually been cooling. Before wind effects like those people who died perpetually with skin and fat are those people who engage in the same effort that makes the rituals around beauty relatively important, those disciplines around saving and expenditures for the second date. What's the lessons of appetite habit? Can we exercise the areas? Once this is really shown that the moralize states are closed off with that we can look the other often surprisingly, once all those artists can dispense with the deeper stories of ambitions and fantasies. I have noticed this insane girl for those who talk about anorexia and those who talk filamentous those make their bodies metamorphose has a profound core But the performance itself reinforces the specialist that they've already arrogated to themselves. Privately This is still private country, most. I've come to understand that I want others to speak up. This This means I played out with myself.

Unknown Speaker  10:20
I want to talk about Alcoholics Anonymous, because I want to use that. I must admit that the thought of the glorious illusion surrounding obesity, and they were too sad and defeated, even when the person speaking was telling them physically. Some dudes who concentrate on weight loss like Weight Watchers in response to the big user is part getting what I'm what exercise of the whole, we are asked to tell the person sitting next to us what our accomplishments were not one risk exposure of the grand self. Quite the contrary, each miserably faced him or herself. One woman, a lawyer he decided to offer she thought that she treated her for what we might ask to do but a new person who was there to become when 95% of divers returned to the same old person after five years, this realm of the new self must be I've come to believe that the stories of is that people not so that people are asleep. But only after confusing a few aliens that I attended only as patterned after a similar source similar programs except for just one that search for and make up the personal needs of these other deities. All under the guidance of a higher power, the addictive personality, and I'm going to talk to you about why this is finally a complaint against explanation in particular against the language of addiction substances. I would like to dispense with the addictive personality in the system suffers from guilt, but you never know it from this color. Alcohol excuse themselves. Not safe for us to give up the identity of the alcoholic by reinventing heroic storytelling each time, night after night, as if they were drawn by the campfire to bread before. languishing do they begin by introducing themselves by first name is that my tribe? Hi, my name is Pete and I'm alcoholic. One member then he gets a long story as much as knowledge by any number correctly. But physically life is an alcoholic. The rise of the disease the terrible bottoming out the personal salvation and with this opportunity, a chance to savor what was remarkable was the MPC of joy with which they called the rejecters under the influence, how charged the words of approval they got to some particularly outrageousness. Their stories were painful and some difficult shaper. Yet appreciation was so strong to speak is one part of the chain must feel threatened partnership rarer than the series. As part as the part about the bottom camp, everybody is going through somebody at the Salvation everyone pitched back and deep satisfaction. What they clearly preferred though, was the documents. Some members couldn't hide their restlessness when a young woman tried to make her sitting in competition with alcohol. He is exciting as the men's punching a share of graduation costs of 70 Welcome, some got it was the only moment I felt sorry for anybody. They are saving themselves I thought by recording a romantic self in a postmodern society in which narratives that become subconscious involving can never they save themselves in a manner that preserves respects especially pitched against an Obama made look onto the campaigners affection in the bosom of their comments, lovers pants warriors. It was fun, more overtly sexy. They complained about the sexiness of the worst thing that could happen to them is to get into the attraction to alcoholics. And what are they attracted to the danger of the desperate? What's one of a very pretty young woman from the opening denominators from overeaters came in OEA types contend that they consider themselves quote unquote, cost effective, or maybe clubs. Most mover and they didn't hide they throw the bomb out consensus. I think I understood who wanted the fact person in this case not at all that person's spoiling, everything's changed. One more point, as much as the rhetoric was guilty judgment was there in the formula. As much as some tribes psychological explanation for the experience. There was that sense of this obsession I probably To that minute, I want to just start off with the sensitive experience to share with you two more that I had recently, and which I think encapsulates the contours of the problem as we experience it now. I was in a locker room two days ago, and I heard two young women say to each other.

Unknown Speaker  15:22
But something to the effect well, haven't you noticed that when you have a great boyfriend,

Unknown Speaker  15:29
and the other one says something? No, it's true. And, you know, it's the jerks always make you eat. And then what to know, I just found a month and a half of the content. I thought I had two months. And that's, that's a story that I couldn't put it so often that they're actually measured, they've got a quantitative measure, for their experience a lot. They've actually reduced their whole sense of romantic love and to a very quantitative and compartmentalized explanation. The other side of the street story that I think is particularly correct, and scary, is nutritious crates. And my thanks didn't get her pregnant, I thought for men began to brag. Like it doesn't play a game with each other about abstinence, and vitamins. And it became who could outdo food and terrorize me tell you about the contaminating process of attacking me sugar. And I managed to brag about the various points and estimates and coefficient of things. And who has really more diagnosed better some of whose latest record. So I've seen the same thing happen among women who are now being treated by the so called officials who have another it's different for women to brag about each other in competitive fashion, about their absences. But the happiness that they express under these various species is that they're losing weight, because their intuition is holding a phenomenal addiction or food allergy. And therefore they can give up or candida infection is something that is universalized and resistant to disease. And therefore they can go on these tremendously restricted machines, no meat, no sugar, no carbohydrates, etc, etc. And tell you quite happily that for the first time in your life, they don't have to look unfortunate because they've been able to be sublimated and inserted spatially their anxiety about food into the anxiety, but it's not something that's something universal is happening in a crisis coming in the 70s and 80s around so that, you know, has been focused on what she is taking the data probably because of the very things that that Flo Jo is speaking about for so long that we definitely see

Unknown Speaker  18:11
that London itself to the pier all and finally I know I just told you, I was gonna pose this as a question.

Unknown Speaker  18:24
Right so there seems like a little bit about vaccines that tie in explanations of stuff but forget about what was going on. You think there's a way in which the romantic self can flex beautiful space, the road to excess lead to the Palestinians, sense of expanding yourself excessively, in order to find something that could place you above the middle class before and that was safe and orderly, predictable, and reasonable. That sense of throwing yourself out into the world in order to be a diamond to the future. To a warrior in the wilderness has just been divinity in modern life and to get a sense for peace. Anyone who seeks to prove expense too much becomes a credit card of anyone who seeks power in your life become a power. So there's no books out about more protection. There's no more biotic self because there are no more sensitive or sexual experiments. In terms of the enormity of the grandiosity itself, there's only that grid that you have placed before in the center. We left that you've left the central body of Satan, you've given up something that always deceptive and dangerous. And this is no no no longer attractive question we have now the romantic stuff was never easily incorporated in any society, it's always the other side. But this particular society has developed new explanations around the use. And I think that this was not a bad, a lot of people's parts to bring back into, into them, less your relationship to yourself. Now we quickly summarize a whole lot of things that was that was part of the poverty of explanation that defies experience. But I think most people, most women, especially since this was largely, we do have to confirm that bulimia and anorexia and basically still is still largely something that's centered on the middle class, and secure in America interested in doing this appeared in other countries, it doesn't have to sound quality. But one thing, there's very little power, some of the other readings on subject is very little shift between a basic Brexit in this country. So we really are talking about something that's correct. It's about ourselves and be careful universalizing. But I think that there's a moment in childhood, where not only do we begin to proceed, all those things, it's usually the confronting of ourselves as mature women a sexual crisis around this terrible practices where most food stores begin. Prior to that, there's another kind of the ones in which we begin to take responsibility for ourselves as adults begin to identify our own roles and making our bodies. It's also a kind of powerful idealization, which is something that recordings utilitarianism, economists, unfortunately, do not talk about. It's about that time fantasy itself, it's about wanting to save the world, for wanting to be a one peace of mind. Not just beautiful, but supply. Now, I'm using kind of all language here, and I've read out of the scriptures that the Romantics called an argument about the supply. They knew, for example, that the ordinary scraping dealing with smooth and small and delicate, never deviate too much from the sense of proportion, even for disappointments, over dimensions, and terror. And I think that the adolescent girl experiences as a complex but differently, there's no role for them to play. Tempering our role that allows them to do stuff, actually. And I go through what I can do the typical kinds of representations that we've all experienced, which tends to be certificates of conferences, the agony over the last representation of

Unknown Speaker  23:24
this person. That's not photographs, it's not movies, or literature with parents, or mothers. And there's no place for that dark with the potential for potential. So one of my explanations for for food is that it changes the shape of the body. And you begin to play out on your body, a kind of demonic refining change. And that the experience of a basal fitness most fat people, most anorexic people experience 3040 50 Punch, it's an extraordinary concept of revolutions of soft around the ability to simply change the self as it's outwardly played. Now, it's really a choice. And since we are in that place in human history, that we constantly have to choose 100% of what she chooses. What I think is happening is that the sublime stuff has become an inner experience completely because it can't be played on or has no kind of real, no projects to see. So you see substances, you become effects substances, and values, but particularly Festival production. And if you listen to the stories, the stories that that fat people talk about is the story of the For her around shifting bodies,

Unknown Speaker  25:03
which is what they don't talk about is that they're actually actually actually having. Now I also noticed that how often people who are caught up in contracts, even projects of lawyers

Unknown Speaker  25:25
or projects you should have little or no. Which is one of the reasons the love project now has become seized upon as another way not to have to worry about but come back to us and such.

Unknown Speaker  25:42
Could you repeat that apologies, I didn't quite catch what you said about creativity.

Unknown Speaker  25:49
Those those moments when you vigorously working on something and kind of take it up a notch noticed myself and I noticed that so many people, just because they're not it is either a chance to relax and talk or people get hungry, especially as to discipline.

Unknown Speaker  26:08
Okay, I wasn't sure whether you were seeing that anorexics weren't created that it was an either or because my experience has been that a large majority of anorexics are also highly creative.

Unknown Speaker  26:20
What struck me about anorexia over the person who suffers adversity, is ambition as well. And once the end once the project is seized upon, can you sort of driven almost mechanically cast upon and use that sense of, of lightness, of being free from certain kinds of restraints to keep you charged. There are many designers who deliberately starve themselves for two or three days in order to achieve a certain high feel that kind of inner energy that you get. It's been incredible and self induced, where the fat person tends to be so bent, or so incapable of this, making them visible, and allowing other people to see them. That certainly was the truth and story spirit, I could talk about the pain we could talk about the successful accomplishments, though, and ultimately, what I tried to show those success accomplishments. But the fat is actually a way of saying I can dissociate myself from my practices and efficiency. The anorexic has discovered that always transparent and also the excitement around the excitement. thrill that the high metabolic start, do

Unknown Speaker  27:38
you mind if I can do you mind if I asked? Oh, okay. Um, I wasn't not quite clear about is that my experience from women unknown, and from myself in the past has been that after a certain point, yeah. Anorexia interferes with creativity, that away way of working out of the interacts, you're often will be, I mean, creative, but that that, after a certain point, with the creativity stops with anorexia in the same way. Yeah. So that. Yeah. And that the creativity is played out in the expression, physical expression of the anorexia, rather than, say, through painting or writing.

Unknown Speaker  28:33
My argument is you have to stop making the body.

Unknown Speaker  28:36
Yeah, I just wanted to make sure yes, yeah, we're saying the same thing.

Unknown Speaker  28:41
Sublimation, can't be fooled attrition or center. It's got to be out of the body and into the drama that the Mad Men into a world that put so much focus on

Unknown Speaker  28:55
that, that, I mean, my perception is that I'm seeing as much of an obsession with that kind of system. I mean, all you have to do is there.

Unknown Speaker  29:09
A young woman, she was awake, was weighing 100. Come into the shower and a good look. And she didn't weigh in. And she decided to change from weightlifting to body body. And within the course of the year, completely changed, athletic and in order to provide estimation for that control.

Unknown Speaker  29:36
I think it's another Yeah, it's funny, but I mean, I, we goes back to the whole question of spirituality to which you brought up earlier talking about hemispheric value is a woman which is historically that's not true. It's always been male instinct. And vividly. In the Old Testament, we looked at and referenced the subject it was at women's comp system sweetness finding etcetera, etcetera. Somehow I think that's the there's a lot of Christianity about about about winning, I mean, the Greek tradition

Unknown Speaker  30:19
it's a bit but I want a bit I think in America, we have not killed that. I mean, I think that women have held that amongst women that was fearful, but I think our society at large. I'm just wondering how that transition occurred. But anyway, I just coming back to the bodybuilding thing and I think it's another way of again, I think it's a way of sort of creating our maleness in society and create that physical power, which then physical molding

Unknown Speaker  30:57
you live with a bond. And what I what I think it's very important to see is that you choose, there's this wonderful phrase, quantifying responsibility. There is that sense that part of coming to realization is evil. Sadness, your, your creative sense of humor, it's all written. We move it soon as soon as we're called the 16. Look around the adult world. And you begin to realize that people make choices wrong. My fascination with choice